Happy

When I first accepted my psychic awareness as both reality and my ultimate life path, I ended up in a Spiritualist church in Houston, Texas.  I was still confused as to how my practice would play out.  I was very much relying on my intuition, which felt like a constant state of panic.  I had no instruction booklet for restarting life in a spiritual way.  Spiritual, meaning listening to the information I received during meditation and ignoring what the world expected of me.  I believe that’s commonly referred to as “faith.” It’s a big leap.  For some, speaking to dead people seems to be a singular gift.  Some psychics are content to communicate with spirits, make a living from it, and not look at the larger picture: WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

I am not one of those psychics.  If we’re going to pull back the veil, I want it open all the way.  I want to know about the past, the future, how everything works, and what parts of religion are true.  I want the whole package.  I want to see life paths and talk to dead people and align chakras and teach you how to meditate and collect crystals and understand angels and do all the things.  Give me all the psychic things.  It’s where the world is heading anyway.

But four years ago, in a Spiritualist church, in the second pew from the front… I was floundering with my new levels of understanding.  I was still dealing with debilitating depression that would soon morph into even-more-debilitating grief.  I knew I could speak to dead people easily.  I knew I had a curious mind, sometimes to a fault.  I knew that kindness is a religion of its own and that I needed to adhere to it.  I was even learning how to turn that kindness onto myself for the first time.  I was at a very awkward spiritual puberty.

“Hey Happy.”

A pastor of the church was setting up for group meditation.  I looked up at him.  He half-grinned at me.  I looked behind me.

“You.  Happy.”

He was looking right at me.

This man is insane.  “Me? I’m not happy.”

He paused and his smile lit his face from the inside out.  “You will be.”

He laughed and continued organizing.  I was torn between thinking this guy is nuts and feeling like he had just seen inside my entire being.

By the time the group meditation was finished, I had no doubts in my mind that this man had the clearest vision of any psychic I’d met.  I wanted that.  I wanted to help people.

He taught me, patiently.  He coached me through the grief of losing the second of two life preservers I was given in this life.  (A life preserver is a person whose undying love and soul connection literally saves your life.  More on that later.)  I sat at his feet and listened to his lessons.  After I moved home to New Orleans two years ago, I visited him in his cabin in the middle of Nowhere, Texas, instead of church.  He became a father to me and someone I trust implicitly.

Every time we visit, my awareness increases permanently.  I like to call that “leveling up.” During these visits, we sit in conversation for days.  He pulls information out of my brain like he’s remembering his own thoughts.  We communicate with spirits.  We discuss our past lives.  I’ve made friends with spirits attached to his property.  He gives me books to study (books that have changed my life).  We speak about cycles and paths and synchronicities and what they all mean.

During my last visit, I was on the brink of a huge awakening.  My business was coming together and would be launched 4 months later.  I felt like that allergy medicine commercial where everything becomes clearer when they lift up a veil.  I was regularly helping people with my awareness and seeing the benefits of doing so.  I was “out” to the majority of my family and close friends.  I was actually… almost… happy?

The thing with life and life cycles is that they are temporary and always balanced.  As I gain strength and confidence, my teacher grows weaker.  My guru is dying.  I was seized with this reality during my last visit with him.  I’ve known about his terminal illness for almost as long as I’ve known him.  I’ve understood that we have only a short time together from the beginning.  But this last visit… something grabbed my heart when I hugged him goodbye.  “Is this the last hug?” I wanted to ask.  Too afraid of the answer, I just cried instead.

What is it about the physical presence of a person that’s so comforting?  I have access to my mentor every second of every day through meditation and astral travel.  Also, there’s a thing normal people like to use called a phone.  But there’s something about a hug, a possible last hug, that carries weight to it.

I sit here now, 2500 miles away, truly not knowing if I’ve hugged my spiritual father for the last time.  We’ve talked about what happens when he’s gone.  We know I’m going to be okay.  The question is: when the guru dies, who succeeds the guru and who becomes the student?

I can teach.  I teach my practice on a regular basis.  I have an amazing business with wonderful clients whom I love dearly.  I help people in whatever way I can.  I truly enjoy the work I do and the people I work with.  I help people go from barely aware to having crystal clear vision.  I help clients through grief by giving them messages from loved ones.   I’m doing all the things that I’ve been brilliantly coached to do.

The only thing holding me back is this last big level up I completed.  I selfishly want to tell him all about it in person even though I know he sees every detail of it from 2500 miles away.  This man is in my head through meditation whenever I need him to be.  He still calls me Happy.  I just feel like I need one more hug.

When he no longer has use of his body, I know he will still be with me.  That’s the precept of everything we’ve studied together.  When we die, we still live on.  It’s everything on which I’ve built my business.  It’s everything I believe in.  If I don’t understand the infiniteness of his life and our soul connection, what have we been talking about for four years?

It’s about perception.  I’ve sat at this man’s feet for hours upon hours gaining wisdom.  He’s taught me everything he knows.  I’ve graduated from his personalized degree program summa cum laude.  I know all this.  But when is it enough?

Shortly after my last visit with him, I was watching “The Last Unicorn” for the first time. I was silently observing the unicorn’s purple star, much like my own purple star tattoos.  She felt alone and was looking for her tribe.  She knew she couldn’t be the only unicorn in existence, but she didn’t know how to proceed.  Then a little butterfly comes along.  I immediately noticed that he looked just like my guru and laughed about it.  He comes in singing nonsense and being generally ridiculous.  “Do you know who I am?” the unicorn asks.  He responds with more nonsense and songs.  She pesters him for answers and he gives her none.  She gives up.  She says she needs someone who understands her.

“Unicorn.” He finally says.  The unicorn is then blown away by his accurate description of her traits.  She asks him where the others are.  She asks him where to go.  She’s frantic.

“No, no. Listen,” he says. “Don’t listen to me… listen.”

That line stuck with me.  Don’t listen to him.

Listen.

Infinity is available to us through meditation.  Past lives, future events, spirit communication, the structure of reality are all waiting for us to find if we just listen and trust what we hear.  I’ve since built my practice on that.  If I get a message, I trust it.  If I see a vision, I trust it.  I don’t doubt a single thing that comes through.  The benefits of adapting this have come to me like a flood.  My clients get the messages they need, even if they are whispered to me.  I’ve learned things about myself and my past lives that have shifted my entire consciousness of myself.

Don’t listen to me.  Listen.

It’s the only thing my guru could have said to me that truly matters.  Now, I am living what was once my own vision of my future.  My life is full of the joy of helping other souls, both alive and not.  I give my life in service and see the rewards of my hard work.  I’m slowly increasing my reach and being shown who needs help when they need it.  Then I’m shown how to help. I do help, then I get rewards like lifelong friends and being told that I’ve made a difference in someone’s life.  What could be better?  I’m living my true path.  I’m happy for myself, by myself, and through myself.  Not just kind of happy, but ecstatically happy.  I wake up every day excited about what new knowledge or experience is coming.  I see my life more clearly than I ever have before- past lives, the past of this life, the present, and the future.  I have years of hard work, gratitude, and abundance coming my way.  Abundance of the things that truly matter.

He was right all along.  My own smile lights me from the inside out now.  I am truly, existentially,

Happy. 

Thank you, John.